...so i touched it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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