he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
