I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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