so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
