when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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