you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
