Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
