I wish I only lived at night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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