I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have tasted many bathrooms
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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