fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
