I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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