She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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