you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
