I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
