I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
