Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
