Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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