I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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