he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
