i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
