He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
