Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
