just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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