He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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