its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
