Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We talked him into tasing himself.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
