im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
