Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
