I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
