so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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