i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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