If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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