I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
