You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize