In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
