i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
