i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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