Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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