You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
