I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The struggles of a small town man whore
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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