if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
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i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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