did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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