If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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