that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
one might say we're banned from that church
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
