I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
