hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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