i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
