end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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