I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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