Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
