Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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