I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
