I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
