Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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