just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
