"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
