woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
