Who did Billy Mays play for?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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