hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
