It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That accounts for only three of the penises
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
