Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there's paper in my vomit.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
