were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
