Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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