sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
