My nipple is on Facebook.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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