How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
