Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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