If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
