She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
