I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
